Quite possibly my most embarrassing childhood story

You're probably thinking, more embarrassing than walking around in my underwear?

Yes, it is. This memory involves a girl. A girl that I had a mad crush on in junior high. Me walking around in my underwear as a drunk adult is funny. This story is embarrassing. And while I can laugh at it now, I still cringe a little inside as to how awkward the situation was.

Without further ado....

Kids can be so stupid sometimes. Especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. I was no exception to this case. There was this girl in my 6th grade class. Beautiful, funny, smart, etc etc. She had it all. And I wanted it all. I dreamt up many scenarios involving me going up to her and asking her out. All of them seemed logical in my mind, but when it came down to actually doing it, I would panic and put the whole thing off. Every new 6th grade class gets to go on a week-long camping trip up to Foothill Horizons in the Sierra Nevada mountains. This was a HUGE deal because we got to spend time away from our families and run amok. I had decided in my mind that I would find a way to finally communicate my feelings to her.

How would I do this? There is no way I can muster the courage to just go up and ask her out. I consulted a friend of mine at the time, he was also just as naive as I, and together we came up with, what we thought, was a fool proof plan. I was going to write her a poem delineating my adoration and obvious emotional upheaval over her.

The poem?

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I know that I like you
and I hope you like me too.


YES NO
(I drew a box next to either option and left it for her to check mark)

I know, much like Kanye, I was a lyrical genius. Take it easy, as I'm sure you're laughing your ass off. I was 11 years old and this was my first attempt at "spitting game." (editor's note: it has been 19 years since that fateful day and while I have had much time to improve, my game is still just as weak)

My friend voluteered to deliver the note to her and then we waited. The following day, she comes skipping up towards me with another guy arm in arm, and proceeds to tell me, "sorry, but I already have a boyfriend." They both laugh to themselves and merrily skip away. I wasn't devastated, hurt, or embarrassed by this. I felt like an idiot, but that was about it.

So, you might be thinking, "well, this isn't THAT embarrassing" And you would be right. This is just a prelude to what happens a few years later.....

Freshman year in high school. Art History class with Mr. James. We had broken up into groups to create pastel drawings of historical figures. Halfway through the class, my aforementioned crush called out my name.

"Hey Ken.... you remember this?"

I glanced over at her and saw it in her outstretched hand: that binder paper poem that I had composed for her. I immediately panicked and hoped that by dismissing it she would just put the poem away. She made a motion towards her bag to put the paper away and that is when it happened. The class clown, BR, had overheard the exchange and decided that he wanted to know more.

"What's this?" BR says as he snatches the poem out of her hand.

BR reads the note out loud to the entire class. Everyone laughs. Holy shit, was I mortified. It took a while for the whole situation to die down. People laughed and made fun for a while. It didn't help that I went to a small school, so by the time school got out that day, everyone knew.

I have recently talked to the girl and we reflected on those moments and laughed about it. She apologized profusely for what happened and I told her that there was no need. At the time, I was embarrassed beyond belief, but now, looking back, I can laugh out loud because I was young, stupid, and had no game.