MMMMMM that shoe tastes pretty damn good....

It seems that the concept of "opportune timing" does not exist in my world. I mean, I'm as lucky the next guy and will have my fair share of serendipidous encounters/experiences but for the most part, a lot of what I do (or in this case) what I say tends to be at the worst possible time.

I attended a wedding this weekend (Nov 13th). Amazing, beautiful, elegant, fanciful, etc etc are all great descriptive words that understatedly delinate the afternoon and evening.

You're probably thinking, "ok, this sounds like a normal wedding...."

And it was. The nuptials were executed outdoors, right next to the calm ocean with a setting sun as a backdrop and the Ritz Carlton Hotel as a breeze blocker to our left. The happily married couple finished with the ceremony and were on their celebratory walk back down the isle. During their leisurely jaunt, Dave and I were reciting a line from the movie "Princess Bride"

"Wuv, twuuuu wuvvv!"

I then immediately thought about that one part in the movie when they go to see Miracle Max to help revive the mostly dead Wesley. When they were leaving Max's house, the old couple say,

"You think it will work?........"

"It'll take a miracle."


So yea, I said that out loud. And the shitty/funny part about that was, I said this just as the married couple walked by.

I spent the next several minutes trying to convince the people around me that what I said was totally taken out of context and that I was just reciting one of my favorite lines from a movie. I don't think they believed me.

C'est la vie.

Despite the embarrassing nature of this moment, I am comforted by the one fact that Asian Murphy has the un-surpassable title of "Saying the completely wrong thing at the completely wrong time"

If you don't know who the Asian Murphy is, look at one of my previous posts titled "Asian Murphy's Law" and read the inauspicious moment #3....

WTF?

This is what you find when you're bored out of your mind and have grown weary of searching the entire youtube archives for entertaining shit.

I will say this... If I happened to come home and find something like this waiting for me, I just might simultaneously shit and piss myself and then do this:

I laugh every time I watch that video. She was a pretty good sport about it. If that were any of the girls that I know, someone's nutsack would be stapled to the wall.

How I got over my fear of the dark

This is a short, coming of age tale of a young boy, his fear of the dark, and how this fear was violently purged.

I think I was about 7 years old or so and I was having trouble falling asleep. Mom and dad were in the kitchen talking about stuff. Around 11pm or so, I walked into the kitchen and told my parents that I couldn't sleep.

My dad asked, "why can't you sleep?"

To which I replied, "I'm scared of the dark."

Dad then said, "oh, I can fix that."

He then took me into the bathroom that was directly connected to his. This bathroom was freaky. It was old, smelled funny, and the shower that was in it had so much grime that you couldn't see through the door. Once in the bathroom, he turned on the cold water in the shower, pushed me in clothes and all, closed the door, and said don't come out until I come back.

I was in that shower for what felt like an hour or so (I think it was about 15 minutes). I had time to reflect upon why I was really afraid of the dark. When my dad came back, he opened the door, turned off the water and said, "go to bed." I quickly dried off and wanted nothing more than to be in my bed. I slept rather easily and have not had a problem with being afraid of the dark since.

Now, if only there were a similar way for me to get over my fear of little people. I mean, I find them absolutely fascinating but whenever I get near one, I freeze up.

Anybody know of a "midnight cold shower" equivalent for midget fear?